What We Learned at Rokudai - 19 (Part 2)

What We Learned at Rokudai
Chapter 19 - Pang
(Part 2)

--

"So I remind you of this chick?" Juniper murmured, unsure as to whether to be pleased or disgruntled.

"Yea, totally,” Saffron said. “Even plays the same instruments as you."

-Click. Click. Tattatat. Tap-tap-

Saffron's fingers were navigating the foggy seas of the Internet to show Juniper the work of this musician.

"Ah, here we go. Lemme just pull up something you might like...Oh! Here..."

"What was her name, again?"

"Christina Perri."

"What, like that dumb 'you're hot and you're cold, in and you're out,' and all that shit...?"

"Pssshh. No, no, Junie. That's Katy Perry. This is Christina. She's...very different."

Juniper's ears were tickled by the clicking of a guitar pick against taut strings and the gentle squeal of fingers sliding across frets.

["~I'm so tired; I haven't slept a wink; I'm so tired; My mind is on the brink~"]

"Holy shit," Juniper gasped. "That's a Beatles song..."

Instant respect points. Anyone who would know a lesser-sung Beatles tune and could actually play it? They instantly deserved a listen from her. As she observed the girl's singing, she appreciated the soul behind each strum, each syllable. Very personal, informal...

[“~I wonder; Should I get up and fix myself a drink?; No, no, no...~"]

"Like her?" Saffron wondered.

"Shh, shh," Juniper shushed her cousin, snuggling down onto her stomach, nestling her head into her pillow.

"Heehee, OK..."

Juniper could feel the bed's mattress shift slightly as her cousin settled in beside her. Listening to one song became two. Two become four. Four became eight.

"Ah, here we go," Saffron muttered, looking up another. “Yea, this one.”

"What is it?"

"She's been putting up these recordings of live performances she did in a studio. So this one is...-" Click. "This one's the song that made her famous. For sure."

"Huh...So what is it?"

"Just listen," Saffron teased. "This one's just her on a piano."

"Mm."

["~I know I can't take one more step toward you; 'Cause all that's waiting is regret~"]

As the song began, Juniper recognized it - bits and pieces. She knew she had heard this at some point recently, but only in passing. That was an edited version, though, and this was a live, one-girl-show recording. The lyrics themselves were daunting and melancholy, but it wasn't the words as much as the rawness in the girl's voice that drew Juniper in. Her words were tired, scratchy at times. Flawed. The kind of imperfection that came from long sessions of singing, from singing when your throat was tired but you just couldn't stop. The girl sounded dulled and worn, but she pressed on through this piece with determination, a certain kind of energy oozing out through the physical deterioration.

["~Don't ya know I'm not your ghost anymore? You lost the love I loved the most~"]

The way the girl played and sung cut Juniper to her core. The scent of the coffee shop hit her in the face. The gentle rumblings of students filled itself into her mind, the cold wooden paneling of the stage floor against her bare toes, the wooden stool beneath her...

In that moment, her ears filled with an eerie tune Juniper knew, within that deep recess of her mind she would visit on those Thursday nights at the Java Dragon, that this girl played with the same conviction and expression that she herself did. This musician played her music because she felt it, because music was how those feelings found their way out. The execution wasn't pitch perfect - in other cases, this would normally irk Juniper, especially in regards to her own performances - but with this artist, that didn't seem to matter so much. She played, she sang, the notes flowed out, the lyrics trickled amongst them. It was raw and organic, as opposed to the canned stuff she'd often grow bored of hearing on the radio.

Her voice, her strikes against the keys...It was a bit off at times, because this girl wasn't just playing, she was climbing her own little mountain.

Who was this person she sang of? Who hurt her? What did they do to her? Juniper could sense the pain and anger blended in with each keystroke. She didn't know why, but someone came to mind when she heard this song: Janey Jane. Juniper didn't think she could correlate with the lyrics that Perri spoke, but something deep in her gut told her: Jane knows how shit feels.

Was this how others felt when they heard Juniper play those songs at open-mic night? Was this what Madison and Saffron were talking about when they vaguely described the way she played? Her mind hit a roadblock as the song went on: did she like that idea, or hate it? She couldn't decide. If her music was leaving a genuine impact - beyond the technical sounds being put out - that was great. But if people could hear right through her, then she was taking her heart out of its cozy shell and exposing it. This idea didn't sit well, so she decided to ignore it for the time being and appreciate the rest of the song she was listening. Her heart jumped inside her chest. The Beatles were her heroes, but she was beginning to wonder if maybe there was something behind this Perri girl she could get behind, too. Kind of reminded her of a more mellow P!nk, in a way.

After it had finished, the clicking and clacking of keyboard and mouse startled her from her relaxed state of absorption.

"Can you see why that song got her places?" Saffron affirmed.

"Y-yea...that was...neat, I guess. How'd she get famous?"

"Uh, I think someone heard her song and put it on, like, a TV show or something."

"Oh, really?"

"Yea. It's crazy how people can become famous overnight these days, ya know? Like that Bieber kid."

"Blech."

"Just because you don't like him doesn't mean he's not famous." -Click- "He's super cute, anyway." -Clickaclik- "Oh, hey! The vids are done exporting. We can get these on the Tubes for ya now!"

"Oh. Uh, totally. Let's do it."

"What's your login?"

"Huh? Oh. Um, don't really have one."

"Gotcha. Well...We need to make one for you, then."

"'Kay."

"What should we make the name?"

"Hm..." Juniper scratched her hand through her hair, contemplating a decision. "Thief of Hearts," she decided with confidence.

"Ooh. Sounds cool." -Tattataptap- "Why that one? Ain't that, like, an old movie?"

"I dunno. I just like the sound of it."

"Hm..." Saffron didn't quite seem sold. Well, fuck that, this was Jun's profile, right? Just type the damn name in. “What about...Aces Blind?”

"Huh?"

"Well, 'cuz...Sometimes when people have handicaps like that, I would...I'd think it'd be cool to have role models who can do awesome stuff even though they have that same problem."

"Oh. Yeeeeea. Somethin' like that. I guess."
Juniper didn't approve of the way Saffron had used the word 'problem.' The name sounded fine, though. She wanted it to have one of those 'playing card' puns or whatever.

"Hee. You didn't think about that at all, did you?” posed Saffron. “You just want people to go, 'OH MY GOD, that girl is blind and plays music, that's so awesome.'"

"Heh."
Hm, sure, kind of. Not really. Maybe a little.

"Hmmm..." -Clackaclataptap- "Already taken...Maybe if we add some x's in there...?" Tappatapclattat. "There we go! All right, so let's go and set this up..."

"Well, so, Thief of Hearts because I'm a bitch and will steal your heart with my music. Or some crap."

"Huh?"

"Maybe if I become famous that can be my stage name. Got a nice ring to it. I do like Aces Blind, though..."

Shit. The more her mind dwelt on it, the more she had to admit that Saffy's idea rolled off the tongue better. But it also made it sound more like a band and not a person. Well, fuck, 'cuz then again, individual musicians didn't really roll with band names 'cuz they were...just, like, one person.

"Whatever you say, Junie..." said Saffron. “It's your dealie-doo.”

“Yea, yea,” Jun sighed, trying to make up her mind. “Aces Blind, sure. Let's do it.”

"Aw, yea. OK. Now. Name: Juniper Fong. Or should I put Jun Tu Fong?”

“Juniper.”

“'Kay. Hm. What do you want to say about yourself?"

"What, like...a description?"

"Yea. 'About Me.' What should we put there?"

"Hmph." Juniper paused to reflect, then spouted out words that her cousin typed out. "I'm Juniper. I'm blind. I rock. I will cut your face off with my awesome."

"Whaa...?"

"Yea. That's what we'll put there."

"Sounds like you, anyway..." More typing. Typing typing. Juniper wanted to hear how her videos turned out, already, enough with all the typing.

"Let's upload dat shit!" Jun growled impatiently.

"Uhhh...You're doing it again."

"The 'totally-freaking-you out' thing?"

"Yea."

"My bad," Jun flatly mumbled.

"Haha, it's OK."

Well, this wasn't really all that bad, now, was it? Saffron was really going the extra mile here. Setting this crap up could help Jun find a whole new audience.

---

"Oh, wow, this is so good!" squealed Katrina, eyes fixated on the computer screen as they watched their friend perform from her bedroom. Juniper was playing guitar and singing Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds.

Aaron didn't seem to have anything to say.

"Don't you think?" Katrina nudged Aaron with her elbow, adoring his pink cheeks and shy smile, his eyes locked on the moving image and her mellow singing voice.

"That's great," acknowledged Siku. "It's cool that her cousin's helping her out with that.”

"Tryin' to listen," grumbled Jane.

"Sorry!" whispered Siku.

“Meh,” said Coral with a shrug, taking her leave from the room. That was some whole inner-circle shit that she wasn't a part of. Plus, the girl's singing sounded boring and slow. Coral wasn't a fan, though everyone else seemed to be – even Zeke.

---

["Holy shit, Dead-Eyes. Just started this channel today?"]

"Yea. Why?"

The red-head on the computer screen huffed out an incredulous breath.

["You've got, like...five videos up already!"]

"Yea, we've been working at it all day."

"Yep, Junie's been doing great!" piped Saffron from behind.

["Oh, is that your cousin?"] wondered a girl's voice from out of view.

"Hi~!" Saffron sang out, waving her arm.

["Er...H-hey..."] A lanky arm was raised and wobbled to and fro.

["Oh, did you get connected to Juniper?"]
["Is she there?"]
["Did you tell her how amazing her videos are?"]

Jun's college pals seemed excited. That made Saffron excited. Those would probably be people she'd get to hang out with soon.

"Ha, hey, guys," greeted Jun.

["Hey!"]
["Hi, Juniper!"]
["How are ya, Taters?"]

"I'm doing all right, yo. So is my stuff amazing, or what?"

["Or what!"]

"Shut up, Zeke..."

["They're really great, Juniper. I'm so glad you're looking into this."] The unknown girl's voice again.

"You're gonna help me when I get back to school, right, Katrina?" Ah, so this was Juniper's roommate.

["Of course! Y-yea! I'd love to!"]

["We could get Rob and Ruka in on it,"] suggested the grouchy-looking red-head. So that was Jane, then.

"Ummmmmaybe..." Jun skeptically replied.

["...Or not..."] Now the red-head looked slightly more grouchy.

["It's really good stuff, Taters, keep it up."] The boy with big ears and wide eyes piqued Saffron's interest as he found his way into the frame, cutting off the tension. ["Just don't overdo it."]

"Overdoing it's my style, Mr. Bits." And that was infamous 'boyfriend' they had talked at length about: Aaron. He really was pretty cute - Saffron could see why Juniper liked him.

["Heh, y-yea, I know. I'm...just worried you might get exhausted, is all."] What a little sweetie. ["Are your parents proud that you're trying to branch out with this stuff?"]

"I haven't shown 'em yet, soooo...-"

There was an awkward pause. Saffron could observe a raised orange brow on the girl - that was a girl, right? Aaron sighed and bobbed his head. Even when he was disappointed he was the cutest thing.

"Tonight!" Juniper insisted in a rush. "Promise!" Another odd silence. Saffron didn't know what to make of it, so she quietly endured her discomfort from behind her cousin on the bed.

["You still haven't talked with them?"] Katrina's face appeared behind the couch, popping up between Aaron and Jane. Saffron admired Kat's long, bushy, wavy hair...Saffron found herself distracted by envy. Why couldn't she have easily managed hair like that?

"Guys, can we not talk about this right now?" Juniper asked the question with some politeness but it was clear to everyone that she was sore about it.

["Sorry, Jun,"] said Aaron. ["We're worried, that's all."]

"Yea, yea...I get it..."

["Ya know what you should do a cover of?"] A boy whose face bore similarities to Katrina's squeezed in beside her. ["Jizzed in my Pants."]

"No."

["Maybe...I'm on a Boat."]

"No."

["...How ab-?"]
"No."

["Well, fine, just do your Beatles covers, then."]

"No."

["I hate you so much."]

"No."

["Aaron, make her stop."]

"No."

["You broke it, Baconator,"] joked Jane.

"Janey Jane~"

["What?"]

"You feeling better?"

["Eh. Doin' OK..."]

"I miss you~"

["Heh..."] A tiny smile on that freckled face. ["You, too, Jun."]

["Hey, what about me? You don't miss me?"] cried out Zeke.

"No."

["Are you just gonna say 'no' to everything I say now?"]

"No."

["Damn you to hell in a handbasket."]

"Also, also, also...! I miss you, too, Sugar-Cube."

["I miss you, Roommate."]

"I super miss the Twinkly-Bits."

["Love you, Taters."]

"So someone make sure to tell him that."

["I'm right here..."]

"Also tell him that I love him."

["So, you miss everyone else, but you don't miss me."] growled Zeke with mock offense.

"No."

["So mean!"]

["Ah, are you guys doing that...video conference thing...?"] A man's voice, distant.

["Hey, Dad! Yea, we're talking with Katrina's roommate."]

"No."

["Urgh."]

["Hello, Juniper!"]

"Hello, Mr. Siku-and-Katrina's-Dad!"

["Haha. Well, I hate to break up the chat, everyone, but the pizza guy's here."]

Everyone started shuffling out of frame.
["Oh, man, I'm starving!"]
"No."
["Sweet."]
["I'm pretty hungry, too, actually..."]

Only Aaron remained.

["Don't go making out with my computer screen, Aaron!"] threatened the raspy-voiced girl. Aaron's face went pink and he chuckled. Such a little cutie.

["OK, so we're eating dinner now."]

"'Kay."

Another newcomer lingered on screen in the background. She was a big lady, but had a child-like vibe to her. You could tell she was related to Kat and Siku, though.

[“So this is the infamous girlfriend, eh?” said the woman.

[“Oh.”] Aaron nodded to her. [“Yep. That's Jun on the left, and her cousin, um...-?”]

“Saffron.”

[“Saffron. On the right, there. Guys, this is Coral.”]

Coral leaned over Aaron's shoulder. Saffron was thrown into envy all over again. This lady had all kinds of neat braids and bunches in her hair. And was that a feather tied by her ear? And a tattoo on her arm? Her arm was so big. She was big and buff and pretty? Saffron was instantly jealous.

[“Yo,”] said Coral blankly.

Ah, Brawn-No-Brain-Type, Saffron instantly judged.

[“So, yea,”] Coral said, standing back upright, her face disappearing from the frame. [“Food.”]

[“One more sec,”] Aaron eased her off. ["Tell your cousin we're glad she's around for you."] Saffron smiled from the background and nodded her head to the boy. ["Let us know if you get any more videos done, and how things go with your parents."]

"Yep. Yea..."

["It'll be fine, OK?"]
He was so adorable with his encouraging and stuff.

"Yea..." Juniper obviously didn't share her boyfriend's confidence.

["All right. Well...Talk to you later, Taters."]

"Love ya, Babe."

["You did it again,"] he said with a sly smirk.

"I know," she muttered warmly.
'It?' What was 'It?'

["OK. Love you, too. Bye."]

"Bye~"

The video chat closed with a -bwop- and Juniper rolled onto her back, taking in a deep breath.

"Fuck," she sighed out. "Mom and Dad are not gonna listen to me."

"Your parents love you, Juniper" piped Madison from the edge of the room. She was sewing together the holes in Juniper's torn jeans. "They're trying to encourage you to grow into a respectable adult."

"So they're threatening to take away my tuition?" Juniper snapped back, her head pointed up at the ceiling of her covered bed space. "I can just feel the love."

"I-I apologize, Ma'am. It's...not my place to speak about that. Forgive me."

"Nah, Maddy, it's...all right," Juniper insisted with a tint of plastic formality, rolling back onto her tummy and groping for her laptop's lid. She closed it shut and propped her head over the pillow she'd been using during the chat. "Go on. Tell me what you think."

Saffron cautiously watched Madison bite her lip, drumming her fingers together before continuing her sewing. She felt a bit bad for Madison - the pale-skinned girl seemed like a gentle soul caught in this familial war.

"I...feel that your parents could be handling the situation in a healthier way," she admitted. "But...-"

"But?"

"W-well, forgive me, Juniper, but I feel that you could be handling things better, as well..."

Juniper took the criticism with a sigh.

"Yea," lamented Juniper. "I dunno..." She huffed, blowing her bangs around as she often did when feeling contemplative.

"Your parents are still funding your education," Madison clarified. "From time to time, they express that they feel it's...perhaps a waste."

"Hmph."

"Again, I don't...mean any disrespect, but they are your parents, and they have been paying for your tuition...And other expenses...I was personally offended when you decided you were not going to come for Thanksgiving."

"Made me kinda sad, too," Saffron tossed in. "You're my favorite cousin...And I never get to see you these days.

"Oh," Juniper mumbled, the after-effect of a pang of guilt apparently smacking her in the cheek. "Well...Shit. Sorry guys...I didn't really...think about that, I was pretty pissed off...Family stuff just gets to be all...'Me-Versus-Mom-and-Dad', and so...-" She trailed off, rubbing her hand across her face.

"Mm-hm." Saffron crossed her arms, considering the hurtful notion that Juniper hadn't thought about her or the rest of the family - that Juniper only cared about herself.

"Yet you keep avoiding them," Madison curtly pointed out. "They have been wanting to speak with you since you arrived, to resolve these issues, but decided that they would wait until you were ready."

"Yea..."

"Do you understand how much that hurts them?" Madison posed.

"Huh?"

"Feeling as if their own daughter, whom they have tried to give everything to, doesn't respect them?"

Juniper buried her face into her pillow. Saffron couldn't tell what was going on in her stubborn cousin's head, but Madison lectured on, her true feelings seeping out through the polite mask she normally wore.

"You spend their money, you treat them as if they are horrible people, when they merely misunderstand you. They worry for your well-being, they fear you'll get hurt out there on your own."

"I can take care of myself just fine!" Juniper insisted, raising her head. "That's why I'm at college! To prove I can do that! And-and...I'm not on my own, I have some people...You just saw me talking with them."

"Yes. Yet it's your family's money that pays for your well-being. You wouldn't be with those friends at all without that."

"Urgh." Juniper punched the side of her pillow. "I fuckin' know that," she growled. "You think I'm happy about that? You think I want that? For Mommy and Daddy to be spending so much on me?"

"What if you didn't need that?" Madison coyly suggested. "What if you could pay for your own education?"

"What do you mean?" Curiosity gripped Juniper.

"As your personal assistant," Madison slyly informed, "I'm aware of your personal finances."

"OK...?"

"You have funds saved from money set aside to build interest when you were a child. You have a separate account that has been relatively untouched for years in your name...Enough to pay for the duration of your tuition, based on my estimates."

"Your estimates?"

"When your father mentioned the conditions of this visit earlier this week, I...was curious." Madison shrugged, finishing the stitching on a back pocket and shuffling the pants around. "Perhaps you can bargain with your parents - suggest that you pay for your education out of your savings in exchange for more personal freedom, perhaps?"

"Hm." Juniper was eerily quiet for a few moments. Saffron could practically see the gears grinding in Juniper's skull.

"Maybe not a bad idea," Saffron gave her own opinion. "You are a legal adult, n' stuff."

"You should show me what you're talking about, Madison," Juniper concluded, pushing herself off the side of the bed. “Erm, well, explain it, I mean...”

"Of course."

"What are ya thinkin', Junie?"

"I'm thinkin' that I need to talk with my parents tonight and get this over with."

---

A/N: Lyrics used from a number of different songs include Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds and I'm So Tired by the Beatles, and Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri.