What We Learned at Rokudai - 14 (Part 2)

What We Learned at Rokudai
Chapter 14 - Appearances
(Part 2)
---
- Saturday, November 8th -

Juniper could hear the door slowly creak open as she presumed her roommate entered, but she continued playing her piano without dropping a note. A couple of minutes later, when her song had completed, she could hear the clacking of Katrina's keyboard across the room.

"Hey, Juniper," Katrina greeted, still typing away.

"Hey," grunted Juniper with a slight sting. Katrina paused, and her chair creaked.

"Hun...What's wrong?" Katrina asked once again with a bite of irritation. She'd been asking practically every day all week.

"Nothing, God," Juniper groaned, crossing her arms. "Why do you keep asking me that?"

"Because you...you keep acting snippy around me. All week, now," Katrina sighed with exasperation. "Is...Is this about the band? I told you to talk with Ruka about that. Or is this Halloween? It's fine, I'm over it. Really. I'm not upset with you, Jun, you didn't know. Hat's on me for...not telling you."

"Fuckin' peachy, then," Juniper mockingly conceded. "The next time something dramatic comes up that you didn't tell me about I can make an ass of myself all over again, right?" She bobbed her head down and heaved out a grouchy huff.

"I'm-...? Wait, excuse me?" Katrina snapped. -Fwack- Her hand smacked the head of her chair. "You're upset with me?"

"You fuckin' storm out on me in front of everyone over something I didn't know 'cuz you didn't tell me. Made me look like a real bitch."

"That-!" Katrina sucked in a deep breath. "It's hard for me to deal with that stuff in public, you know that, so-"
"Then why didn't you tell me it happened on Halloween? What the hell, Katrina? Kinda important to miss." Juniper's scowl had grown and she drummed her fingers on her arm as she spoke. "Anything else I need to know about? Did your fuckin' puppy die on Easter or something? What other secrets do you have I don't know about, huh? You'll go tell my boyfriend but you won't tell your own roomma-"
"You never asked, Juniper!" Katrina growled, her voice trembling. "You never...asked me about it!" Words would pop out of Katrina's mouth after brief pauses, as if she was trying to contain their explosive impact.

Juniper's insides churned at the accusation as her memories scanned to think of when she had asked. Of course she had asked. Right?

"Aaron, Jane, even Ruka, and...and CrackerJack. They all asked how it happened. You never did, Juniper. I didn't know it was my...my obligation to just...randomly dive into detailed tragedies from my past just so you don't make an ass of yourself."

And here I am, again - making an ass out of myself right now. She's right...I never did ask her how it happened, did I?

"And I'm sorry that watching my mom...die in a fucking...-” Kat caught herself swearing and paused. “Dying right before my eyes - isn't something I like going out and just...telling people, OK?" She was crying at this point, Juniper could hear it, as her breath between words skipped in sniffles. The ferocity in Juniper's expression had worn away to reveal the layer of sympathy and regret she'd been hiding behind irritation and jealousy.

She was there when it happened...No wonder it's harder for her than her brother. I had no idea.

"Oh..." was all she could muster, running her hand through her bangs and brushing them out of her face. "Do you...-? Did you want to talk about it?"

"Nooo, I don't want to talk about it right now!" Katrina burst out with indignation. "Maybe...later! Maybe never!"

"OK, OK," Juniper sputtered. "Geez, don't...freak out on me..."

"You're the one who was freaking out," huffed Katrina.

"All right, all right," Juniper sighed, her palm pressing her forehead. "I'm sorry! There, I said it..." Juniper received no response, which she knew was because of the way she had carelessly tossed the words out. "Really," she insisted with more seriousness. She got up out of her foldable chair beside her keyboard and made her way to Katrina's desk, bumping her bare foot into a shoe on the way there. With hands extended, she paused when she reached her friend's chair, and while the sniffling had stopped, Katrina's breath was still heavy. She wormed her hand from the wooden chair to her friend's back and scratched at it gently.

"It's easy for me to forget how much stuff can get to you, Sugar-Cube," Juniper explained solemnly. "I don't know what it's like for all you guys...You, your brother, Aaron, Janey...You all, like...got broken families n' shit. I don't...really know what it's like. I mean, I do, but, like, my family's still around. Yours aren't. And none of you are wimps about it, so it's...easy to forget how hard it must be. I guess." Her lips curved into a weak smile as her hand ran down Katrina's arm and a slender set of fingers grabbed it. "I really am sorry I was a bitch."

"I'm sorry I went psycho," Katrina murmured, steam seeping out of her.

"I'll try to...-" Juniper stretched her arm out - it was sore from her guitar playing. "-...not be a douche about stuff like that. But you've gotta tell me about stuff from now on."

"OK. I will." They clenched fingers together in a moment of assurance to one another before letting go. "You just need to ask."

"OK. See? See? I do have a heart, Sugar-Cube. I can have touching moments and crap like that."

"Hee. Yes. Yes, you can, Hun. Good job. Way to go."

"Can I get a Gold Star?"

"You can have a hug."

"Mehhhh...OK. That works, too."

---

- Sunday, November 9th, 2010 -

"Don't tell me what I can and can't do!"

"Pssh." Zeke chuckled at Juniper's expense. "OK, there, John Locke."

"Shut up!" Juniper whimpered, a laugh escaping through her discouragement. "I've...got this," she grunted, hefting her tray and wobbling forward, inch-by-inch. “Who's John Locke? Why does that sound...-?”

“Lost. Guy from Lost.”

“Older guy? Hiking guy?”

“Yea. Wheelchair guy who could walk again?”

“We should find that island, take me there, then I can see the look on your face when I prank you.”

“...You were saying?” Zeke pushed things along. “With the 'got this'?”

“I fucking do!” Jun insisted, her fingers digging into her tray like talons.

"Are ya sure, there, Gimpy?" Siku teased. "I could get your tray for ya."

"You can't carry my tray," Juniper courteously advised. "I can carry it myself."

"No one's allowed to carry your tray but Misstoh-Twinkohz, eh?"

"Damn straight. I'm a big girl, I can-eeeeep!" Juniper squeaked in surprise as she was literally swept off her feet by Zeke's arms. He wedged one hand under her knees and the other supported her back. She gripped her tray with steady hands, fearful to spill her food.

"I can't carry your potatoes for you, Mr. Frodo, but I can carry you!" Zeke boldly cried, heaving his way through the cafeteria and winding around students, his arms straining but maintaining the weight of his friend. Juniper giggled the whole way, confused but amused.

At last, Zeke huffed out a breath of relief as he set her down in front of the closest available booth.

"OK!" he panted. "Here's the volcano, then."

"Thanks for the lift, Gamgee," Juniper chuckled, setting her tray down on the table and punching the gasping boy in the arm.

"We're gonna need to get those big-ass eagles to pick us up," Siku advised as he fell into his seat with a plomph. "You weigh more than you look, Dead-Eyes."

"Hey!"

"Fatty."

"Sausage...Pants!" Juniper growled, winding back her fist. "Move your stupid Meat-Stacked-Ass forward so I can tenderize it."

"Just sayin'."

"Just throwing." Juniper picked up a single green bean from her plate and whipped forward. -Thap-

"Blind people shouldn't start food fights, ya know." -Thap- Her own bean smacked her in the forehead.

"Pussies shouldn't start any fights."

"I didn't start a fight!" came the defense.

"You called me fat!" came the rebuttal.

"Meh. Good point. But you are."

“I'm curvy.”

“Also that.”

“You're just normal fat, but I have boobs, which makes my fatness better.”

“True, true...” Zeke agreed.

"Ya know,” Jubn remarked, “Your existence makes me respect your sister a lot."

"Does it, now?" said Zeke.

Juniper fed some beans to her mouth bare-handed as she contemplated this.

"Well, she does have to put up with you as an idiot brother. That demands respect."

"What can I say? I bring out the best in people."

"By acting like an ass."

"Sometimes the Sheppard needs to bark like all hell to get the sheep in their pens."

"What?"

"Doctor Octagonapus...BLARGH!" -Whump!- -Clattatat- He'd slammed his fist on the table and stirred plates and utensils.

"And people say I'm fuckin' crazy," Juniper sighed, acting as lady-like as she could as she picked her green beans with her fingers.

"They also say you are handicapped. And disabled. And a gimp."

"You are the scum of the earth. You know that?"

"Thanks," Siku replied with smug satisfaction.

"If your life had a face, Bacon-Bits, I would punch it."

"Not the face," Siku wailed.

"I would punch it so hard in the balls."

"Guess I'm lucky my life doesn't have a face. Or balls."

-Thiff-bumph!- Juniper thrust her foot forward, happily ramming her heel into something bony.

"Ow! Damn, woman!"

"Maybe you don't have any balls-"
"Meh-meh," Siku taunted back mockingly.
"-but you do have wussy shins. Ya queer."

"I have a girlfriend."

"So? Could just be a cover."

"You're not very nice yourself, ya know. Jane's a queer."

"Well, yea. And you're both going to hell, didn't you know? I'd be, too, of course. But my boyfriend's a fuckin' Saint, though. I'm pardoned."

"Ya know, I may not be terribly religious, but I don't think it works li-"
"Saint."
"Uhh...Buuuut he-"
"Saint."
"I really don't th-"
"Sssssaaaaint."
"So he is, eh?"
"Where do you think he is right now, huh?"
"I dunno, I guess he-"
"Wrong. He's at church. C'mon, you're his roommate, for Chrissake."
"He's at church?"
"Wrong again. Katrina took him to the church she goes to downtown. God, you're bad at this."
"Just keep on using those names in vain, Gimpy, I'm sure-"
"Incorrect. Sweet Mother Mary and Joseph."
There was a pause.

"Are ya-?"
"Great Odin's Raven!"
"Ya d-?"
"BLESSED ZOMBIE JESUS."
"OK, ya d-?"
"I'm done."
"Ya done?"
"Done."

"All right, then." -Shhlllrrrpp- Zeke loudly gulped from his cup. "Jesus wasn't a zombie, by the way."

"Came back from the dead, didn't he? Wanted people to eat flesh, uh, but disguised it as bread...?"

"But being a zombie means you were infected by a virus, or brought back by demonic voo-doo magic. The word 'zombie' came from voo-doo...crap...anyway."

"You don't believe in that junk, though, do ya?"

"What? Voo-doo?"

"Naw, the hippie-Jesus shit." Juniper was finishing up her beans.

"I dunno. I guess not."

"Your sister does." Juniper said it in a way that conveyed her lack of certainty.

"Yea...She does." Zeke, on the other hand, seemed to admire it in a way. “I...think.”

“You think?”

“Mm.” Zeke shrugged. “Seems like every couple months these days she goes through a 'Hate Phase' with it, ya know?”

"Well. She's not like those fuckin' crazies who try shoving Bible pages down your damned throat, though."

"Nope. She's not." He seemed proud of this fact. "Wait - OK - why did Aaron go to church with Katrina?" Siku was clearly hung up on this.

"Got me."

"Aaron doesn't go to church."

"That's what I said."

"Sometimes that boy doesn't make any sense."

"Pff. He's your room-..." Juniper froze mid-sentence, her hand groping across her tray. Where was her bowl of potatoes?

"I said I couldn't carry your potatoes for you, Mr. Frodo - but I didn't say I couldn't eat them."

"You bitch."

"Now you regret not just letting me take your tray, don't you?"

"Psh, no."

"Remember how stubborn you used to be?"

"Psh, yea. Then I wizened up and realized life is better when I make other people do my dirty work for me."

"Then why can't I do things for you?"

"'Cuz you're a bitch. And you steal my potatoes. That's why."

---

- February – (Nine Months Ago)

"It's ruined! It-...It's destroyed." The devastation in Aaron's voice was like a nail puncturing Juniper's heart.

"I-I'm sorry!" she quickly apologized. "It was an accident!"

"It's going to take me all weekend to fix this!" He didn't sound pacified in the slightest.

"I know. I know!" she whimpered, rubbing her face with her hands.

"Urgh, and this is...totally shot." She could hear him lifting the wet portfolio from the puddle on the table. "It's going to have to be replaced..."

"I'm sorry, I...w-wasn't thinking!" Desperate times called for desperate measures. She couldn't afford to have Aaron angry with her - she was willing to break out the big guns - the guns of humility.

"Ugh. No, you weren't!" He snapped. "You always do this! You always think you can take care of everything all by yourself. But you can't!" His irritation sent a crack through her mind, her stomach empty.

This was the first real friend she had made since leaving home. She couldn't bear the thought of him being upset with her.

I'm such a fuckin' piece of work. My own damned stubbornness. And now his project's ruined.

"Whoa, hey," came Katrina's voice as she approach. "What happened?" she wondered with concern.

"Juniper ruined my project! And it's due this Monday!"

"Wh-? How did she-...?"

"She was trying to carry her food by herself and tripped on your backpack, which you left outside of the booth, and she spilled her soda all over everything!"

Aaron had been working on a project where he captured scenes from Appa's. The way he explained it, he was drawing perspectives of parts of the restaurant that would otherwise seem boring but by approaching it from a different angle he thought he could breath some unique life into it.

"It was an accident!" Juniper defended. “If Kat hadn't put her-”
Aaron cut her right off: "It wouldn't have happened if you'd let me go get your food for you, but you've always gotta try doing things on your own."

"I can do things on my own!" Juniper declared, her brows furrowed.

"If you really could, you wouldn't have spilled your soda all over my work!" -Wumple-crump-cripple- Aaron crumpled up the soggy piece of paper he'd been working on and, with an exhausted huff, dumped his destroyed work in a nearby trash can.

"Aaron," Katrina attempted to calm him, "I know you're really upset about your drawings, but you should calm down..."

"Calm down?" he snipped. Juniper sat herself down where he had just been, keeping her back to him to avoid the confrontation in his voice. "Do you know how much time I'd spent on that? How much time I spend on all of my work? None of you guys care."

"Of course we care, Aaron," Katrina insisted. "I know it means a lot to you."

"Well, Jun sure doesn't - or else she would've been more careful! Like it matters to you, anyway - you can't even see it."

Juniper face was boiling with embarrassment and pain. She had never experienced Aaron being so angry before, and she knew the anger was being tossed at her, specifically.

"I'm going for a walk," Aaron concluded. "I'll see you guys later." -Ruffmm- He scooped up his coat and stalked off. Juniper couldn't keep back the tiny trickle of water that dripped down her face.

"Aw, Jun, Sweetie..." Katrina wiped them away. "He didn't mean it. He's just upset."

"I've never heard him get so...pissed before," Juniper grumbled, easing Katrina's gentle hands away and rubbing her eyes with her wrist. "I feel like an idiot."

"Well...Hun. He's...kind of right. You really ought to let us help you out more. You keep getting yourself hurt, and now you've hurt Aaron."

"I don't...want to hurt anyone." Especially Aaron. "Ya know, not really. Only in the joking way. I just...want to take care of myself. Pull my own weight."

"Sometimes the best way to take care of yourself is to let your friends help you."

"Mehhhh," Juniper moaned, blowing at her bangs. "I'm used to having servants watching over me all the fuckin' time. I'm so done with that shit."

"We're not your servants, we're your friends. We do it because we want to, not because it's our job."

"Yea," sighed Juniper, resting her head on her wrist, her elbow propped against the table.

"Anyway, don't get worried about Aaron. He really cares about you, he's just, well-...He's kind of emotional right now."

"Big baby," Juniper mumbled, a smile crawling across her face.

"You were the one crying just now," Katrina pointed out slyly.

"And you'd better not tell him I was," threatened Juniper, her face heating up.

---

- Monday, November 10th -

"Nah, Mr. Twinkes and Meat-Stack both have to work the dish room tonight and Katrina's doing that 'proof-reading' job thing."

"Money makes the world go round, huh?" Jane observed coldly.

"I guess." Juniper huffed.

They were both laying together on Juniper's bed, listening to an assortment of rock music with nothing much to do until dinner. Juniper's head was pressed just under Jane's collarbone comfortably. Juniper appreciated the physical proximity from her often gruff friend. Janey-Jane generally kept her distance, and all that, so, hey. This was nice. A bit of contact went a long way when all you normally got were sounds and smells from a person.

"Well, it's not like that's a problem for you, though, right?" observed Jane from beside Juniper.

"Huh?"

"Money. Your folks are loaded, right?"

"Oh...Yea."

"So you can pretty much buy whatever the hell you want."

"Usually," Juniper shrugged, scratching her nose.

"Can't really buy shit anymore...Not with the Eagles now and-...Didn't get any work at the start of the semester. Can't even buy clothes for myself..."

“Well, hey. Ya got Kat to help ya with that, right? And hey, the rest of us chip in, too.”

"Y-yea." Jane mumbled. "It's, uhh...I appreciate it."

"No prob, Janey-Jane. We'll bring the cash, you bring the action, Freckle-Face."

"Heh."

"So, how are things goin' with, erm...that whole fuckin' mess?"

“Enh?”

“Your gang.”

Jane took a deep breath, and Juniper read from the sound some doubt and despair.

"They won't...just drop it," she muttered in defeat. "Can't fuckin' get 'em to...leave me alone. All up on some high horse about how it's my duty and some bullshit. Like I'm just running away."

"Hmm..." Juniper pondered how to reply, picking a dry booger from the edge of her nose. As she carelessly flicked it off the edge of the bed, she asked, "Are you running away?"

"Huh?"

"Like...OK." Juniper cleared her head to convey her point. "Last year, I used to hide away in my practice room, right? I didn't really have any friends. There were...I dunno...a couple people in the music department that seemed to care about me for some stupid reason - I was a total bitch back then - but things-"
"Heh, back then?"
"Shut up. But things never...worked out. Ya know? I never took the time to actually get to know any of 'em, and as soon as there was some kinda problem: bam." She pounded a fist into her palm. "I'd hide away in my dorm room, or my practice room, and I'd play my music.”

“What about Robin?”

“...Echhh.”

“Thought you two were friends.”

“Acquaintances.”

“...Band-mates, now, sooo...”

“She's all right, I just...W-well, OK, see? This is exactly what I mean. I never actually talk with her about my issues. Not her, none of my music major buds. I just...abandon 'em. That's running away, Jane."

"What're you saying about me, then?"

"I'm saying that when you've got a fuckin' problem you don't be a pussy and run away from it. You stand your ground. You face it head-on. Gotta be solid - like a rock. Or-or like...a boulder, rolling downhill. Nothin's gettin' in your way. You get shit done and you keep rolling along."

"Hmph..."

"Don't like hearing little ol' me tell ya what to do, huh?" Juniper coyly observed.

"Ha. Little ol' you? Bigger n' I am.”

“Am I?”

“Uhhh, yea?”

“...Oh. Awesome.” Juniper gloated and Jane just spewed out a laugh through her nose.

“Nah, but-...You're right. Never did, like, stand my ground with the Eagle Eyes about it. Not until recently. Just...stopped seeing them."

"Sounds like that's your problem."

"Yea. Maybe. So this whole 'standing your ground' shit worked for you, huh?"

Juniper smiled wide and closed her eyes to relax in the pleasant pool of memories.

"It's how Twinkly-Bits and I ended up together, anyway. And isn't it how you and Katrina started out?"

"..Huh?" Jane's heart skipped a beat as moths quickly filled her chest cavity.

"Sugar-Cube stood her ground. She didn't leave you, even when you guys had issues."

"Oh. W-well, yea. Right. Obviously."

"That's 'cuz she really cares about you - and that's the thing. You need something to hold onto that you don't want changed in order to not be changed yourself."

"Solid as a rock."

"Exactly."

"So what's your rock, Janey Jane?"

Katrina fucking Kesuk. No doubt.

"...Still working that one out, Juniper."

---

"We sounded OK, Ruka-Chan. OK. But we could really use some improvement."

"I get it. I know where you're coming from, and I know you just want to see the band get better."

"Damn right I do,” Jun insisted. “We kinda suck." She pushed dirty hair strands behind her ears before unclipping her white puff-ball earrings and setting them on top of her dresser.

"I...really don't think we sucked," Ruka cautiously disagreed. "Lots of people seemed to like us..."

Juniper frowned, heaving air through her nose, her bangs rippling.

"Lots of people seemed to like that we have boobs."

"Sure. Sure, right. I don't get what the problem is, Juniper," Ruka sighed, her irritation swiftly rising. "What your problem is. I even let you pick out the song. And I didn't even think it was a good choice..."

"What?"

"It's just that I wanted us to come across as...ya know...hardcore," Ruka defensively explained. "That song was a little too...generic."

"The Beatles are not generic, they're fucking brilliant," grumbled Juniper in a hurry before cutting to the chase. "But the point is, we wanted a song that wouldn't alienate our potential audience. Who hates that song, huh?"

"Erm..."

"Do you?"

"N-no, of course not, it's fun, it's-"
"Exactly. It's fun. And no one hates it. That gets us popularity points 'cuz we didn't tune anyone out. Next time we play, we play for us." Juniper sorted through her drawer and pulled out a comfortable hoodie. She didn't know for certain if it was her Terra hoodie or her Aqua one - but it didn't matter at that moment. She placed it atop the dresser, away from where she'd put the earrings.

"Right. That's exactly what I was thinking," Ruka agreed. "Also, I think we should maybe try working on building an image, you know?"

"Beg your pardon?" Juniper grunted as she tore off her T-shirt.

"Like...presenting ourselves differently," Ruka explained, her tone conveying discomfort from Juniper's nonchalant changing. It was night time. Juniper felt like changing into sleeping-ish clothes. In her own bedroom. In front of a girl. Ruka could deal.

"What do you mean?" Juniper's words were thick with pessimistic suspicion as she slipped the hoodie over her head.

"I was thinking it might be kind of cool if we wore, like, proper dresses, get a real classical look going with proper makeup, and-"
"Makeup?"

"Yes, makeup."

"You want us to dress like whores and wear makeup?" Juniper growled, biting her lip. "Geishas, and that nonsense?

"No! No-no-no. Like Jiang Shi.”

“Who says Jiang Shi gotta be all classy?”

“Th-...They don't, I guess. It could be, like, ninjas, or samurais, or something like that. It doesn't have to be the same every time. We could...do warrior paint one time, all hardcore, then go...all class the next."

"Are we ladies or are we pansies?” Jun grumbled. “None o' this flip-flopping shit. Why can't we just be fucking normal people with some props?

"I'm just throwing out ideas,” mumbled Ruka. I just think we should have some kind of...uniform style...going on. To make us pop on stage, like a real group. We had a bit of that last time, I'm just proposing we up the ante a bit."

"Right, so we lose our identities and then we're just a fuckin' pop band clique of wannabes."

"You know, Juniper," Ruka matter-of-factly jabbed with her words. "The Beatles had a 'look,' too, with their bowl-cuts, and their suits...But I guess you wouldn't notice that, would you?"

Playin' hardball, huh? Nice throw, Ruka...Nice throw.

Juniper breathed out a deep, contemplative sigh, closing the door to her dresser.

"Fine. Next practice you can run it by the girls, see what they think. Obviously, I don't give a shit what we look like, so long as we play the songs right."

"All right, then," was Sukui's equally snippy reply.

Wow, really? Just gonna let that breeze by? You seriously think I don't care what I look like 'cuz I'm blind? Fucking people...

"Anything else?" Jun bitterly checked.

"Erm...Are-...Are you doing all right?" Ruka lowered her guard for the sake of expressing sentiment. "You seem all...on-edge. Katrina told me that you've been a little off lately, and-"
"Katrina and I sorted all of that out," Juniper coldly advised, her back still turned. "Thanks for the concern, lady, but I'm good."

"Oh...OK. I'll...see you at practice, then."

"See ya tomorrow."

---