Well, here we are. 2014's end is upon us. Noteworthy recent events for me: Super Smash Bros. 4 hit console, the new Walking Dead season started up, Legend of Korra is finally done, I got to spend a couple days marathoning stories I love with my Sister-Face...
And a couple of beautiful new Rokudai pieces were made, too.
But 2014, or at least the second half of it, has turned out to be a dud for me, creatively. My Kickstarter failed, and even though I have more spare time recently, I just haven't been able to focus on any one project long enough to feel like I'm making traction. I'm not very far into DownRight Fierce in its new novel format, and I'm only just recently getting into editing Rokudai, which apparently my heart just isn't into right now. Not the story, but the actual technical editing process.
I've gotten some new scenes for Rokudai written and merged them with edited versions of old scenes, but I still have a few big choices to make going forward, such as what I'll do now that I'm nixing SRU!Zuko & Azula (merge them into a single character? Get rid of them altogether?), and which parts of the story to get rid of, as well as where best to insert the new parts...It's a bit of a mess right now, but I'm also only one person. Working an exhausting retail shipping job during the holiday season. Who's also dealing with sexual frustration and existential depression in inconsistent bouts. I feel like I have a natural gift to tell stories but that doesn't mean anything if I can't do anything with it, which can't happen if the right person doesn't see it, or something. Smack in the middle of SRU I got so much feedback and support, and now it's barely a trickle. Makes me feel like the only reason people cared about my writing in the first place was because it was fanfiction.
I don't currently have a future. I don't have a car, my biological family's a weird mess on the opposite side of the country, my makeshift family can't last forever (we inevitably will have to part ways, sooner or later), I haven't have genuine romantic contact in like two and a half years or more, I have no kids, no career...All I seem to have in regards to what I will leave behind is my writing, and I can't even seem to do that in a way that matters these days, despite my efforts at pushing through the barrier from fanfiction to original works.
I'm sick of pouring so much of myself into my writing, and barely anyone noticing, even on the rare occasion when I'm genuinely pleased with something I've put together. I'm sick of wasting my time helping people mail shit and print shit when I should be telling stories that do something meaningful for people. And I'm sick of sitting alone and sleeping alone and not having someone to share everything with on that personal, consistent, regular level. It's not that my life is bad right now. It's better than it was at the start of 2014, for sure. I just feel like my life is pointless lately, like it's stuck in the mud.
Anyway, I'm sure some people expect some thoughts from me on Korra's finale. If you want to read some of my thoughts on Legend of Korra now that it's over, you can find that over here.
Nutshell version with no surprises ruined: I wasn't impressed at all with the last three episodes and the way the finale came together. It annoyed me, really. It was everything I'd feared and expected, but at least it had some genuine moments of endearing cutesy fanservice.
While the fandom is freaking out (happily) over the last one minute fanservice that was its ending, which I admit I also really enjoyed, the final three episodes were an awful mess with a few bright spots (ironically the romantic stuff, mainly), and as a series I can now officially look back at the whole thing and deem it a narrative mess and a waste of potential, especially for Korra's character. It just doesn't stand up as a cohesive story as a whole, and I'm sad that even after a noble attempt, Korra's character arc never really shined the way it easily could have.
But 2015 will hopefully be a year where I can put my writing where my mouth is. Ideally, by...putting my writing into the hands of more people, one way or another.